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How to Build Business Confidence and Stop Your Negative Self Talk

Women beach sunset joyful sunlight soul life

I have spent the last year researching the biggest challenges that soulful entrepreneurs just like you are facing. I’ve surveyed hundreds of women to determine what they need most to be successful in their businesses and I’m going to reveal that big challenge, and my best technique for overcoming it right now.

The #1 challenge is a biggie…drum roll please…CONFIDENCE!

Now when I say confidence that encompasses a lot!

Confidence includes spiritual and self-development practices, enhancing authenticity, being transparent, fully expressing ourselves, clarifying our purpose and identifying our core values.

While I could create a whole course on confidence, today I want to focus on how you can take control of your inner critic and negative self-talk.  I am going to share with you now one of my most simple yet powerful techniques I use and teach my clients to use to recognize the negative thoughts when they creep up and how you can tackle them to the ground and replace them with a positive one, literally re-wiring your subconscious brain.

Your subconscious mind doesn’t understand the difference between real and imagined. It believes whatever it is told - told by you and also told by your parents, pastors, the news and society. That is why is is so important to take charge of your thoughts which will directly result in increased confidence.

Ok, so before I jump into this, make sure you have a pen and paper handy to take down notes…got it? Ok, here we go…

So here is my simple yet powerful tool.

The acronym PTFAR, P, T, F, A, R.

“P” is for PROGRAMMING

“T’ is for THOUGHTS

“F” is for FEELINGS

“A” is for Action

“R” is for RESULTS

So let me break down how this works…

“P” is for PROGRAMMING - if you want to change the results you achieve or if you want to change the direction of your life, you have to go back to your unconscious programming. Recognize that you have limiting programming about your worthiness. This isn’t programming that you were born with, you were born perfect and whole.  This is programming that was placed on you you by your experiences as well as your family, society, media and religious leaders. In the case of lack of confidence the negative program may be “I am not worthy.”

“T” is for thoughts. As a result of that negative programming that you are not worthy, a negative thought is created such as, “I am going to fail.”

“F’ is for feeling - as a result of the negative thought “I am going to fail” a negative feeling is created such as feeling unworthy, sadness or shame.

“A” is for Action. As a result of the negative feeling of sadness a negative action or an in-action occurs of not doing the work you need to get done.

“R” is for RESULT — Because of your negative action or inaction of not doing the work you need to do, you have a negative result of not getting what you want or not realizing your dreams. So here the PTFAR exercise shows you how powerful your programming is and the importance of replacing the negative program with a positive program to create an overall feeling of confidence.

By using this exercise you can realize that we can’t control the programing from the past, but we can recognize that it exists and defeat it by replacing it with new thoughts about ourselves and our worthiness and then go through the whole process again.

So, let’s break down how the PTFAR process plays out when you replace the negative program with a positive one. The “P” for programming comes up that says, “I am not worthy” and instead of believing that, you replace the negative program with the a positive program “I am 100% worthy and loved.” This would lead to “T” for thought which would be a positive thought like “Anything is possible, I can reach my goals in life!” This positive thought leads to the “F” for feeling which would be feelings of excitement, motivation and confidence which would lead to “a” for action” the positive action of getting work done and taking courageous leaps in business. As a result of your positive action of getting your work done you would have a positive “R” for result of tremendous growth and clarity and…BOOM!

That is how you slay dragons.

That is how you build confidence.

It is an inside job.

Just you and your mind.

Listen.

These negative programs will inevitable crop up, they always will. It is your ego’s way of wanting to be seen. But you can always conquer the ego with a good combination of proactive PTFAR and self-love and as a result your CONFIDENCE will grow.

To learn more mindful business tools check out Celia’s 7-Day Course The Mindful Business Toolkit

 

Screen Shot 2016-04-11 at 8.37.20 AMCelia Ward-Wallace is a Lifestyle Entrepreneur + Soulful Business Coach who leads people to discover their purpose, identify their core values and create a soulfully aligned online business.

Celia teaches aspiring and emerging spiritual entrepreneurs how to launch their first online business, attract their first client and make their first dollar in her signature coaching program, The Super Fly Soulful Business Program http://TheSuperFlyProgram.com/

Celia's forward-thinking methodology focuses on the intersection of: money + meaning, business + self-care, action + receiving, strategy + soul and community building + collaboration. Her focus is to lead her community of heart-centered emerging world-changers to create a life and business by intentional design with lot’s of ease, grace and cash.

 

Changing Your Thought Patterns

For the month of March, we're focusing on embracing the masculine energy in the world, and the masculine within each of us. We’ll also practice saying thank you to our fathers, and we’ll touch on a few unrelated, but important topics. As you move through this month, keep in mind that the world is filled with both masculine and feminine energy, and these energies are not ascribed to women or men differently, they are energies found within each of us. The whole person is a combination of masculine and feminine, so it behooves us to understand both the masculine and feminine. In a later month, we’ll cover the feminine in greater depth.

This week we are focusing on our thoughts a bit more, and we’ll expand upon last week's topics. Last week we began to notice our wandering thoughts, we cultivated a tool set to name them, so that we might identify them. In identifying and naming, we regain the ability to let things be, or let them go. Let’s take this even a step further now. As we not only attempt to name, and release these thoughts, but perhaps change, or replace them. We'll try to focus on certain unhealthy thoughts, narratives or stories with new, healthy ones.

You have all of the control over your own thoughts. You can create a reality that supports your most fulfilled life. To begin to learn how to do this, we want to first notice your wandering thoughts and become aware of the day to day distractions, the normal thoughts, and autopilot like patterns, you have each day. We want to notice those and wipe that layer away so we may go a little deeper. The next challenge is to allow yourself to notice the ugly thought patterns, or stories you might tell ourselves. We all do it, and there is no shame in it. Identifying them will allow us to rid ourselves of them. What's yours?

Your unconscious is telling you things about yourself that are not useful, stories that have lingered from the past, that have no place here in the present. What are you insecure about? What don’t you like about yourself? Whatever it may be, find those thoughts and allow yourself to identify them. Sit for a moment and look deep inside and find one not so nice story you think might be telling yourself. After you have identified it, remind yourself that you are the master of your own thoughts.

Use this mantra regularly to remind yourself of just that:

I am the master of my thoughts, my thoughts are not me. I can change my thoughts to create a new reality.

Now, in place of your old story, I want you to create a new one. If it was “I am not pretty," you new story is “I am as beautiful as I let myself be, I am divine." If your story was “I’m afraid to speak my mind,” your new story is “I speak up because I am worth listening to." If your story was “I will never find love,” your new story is “I deserve as much love and happiness as anyone else"

I want you to remember, any time you find yourself in a negative narrative to practice as often as you can, telling yourself the positive alternative to that story right away. Do this often. Do this as many times a day as often as you can, and over time, you will undoubtedly find that you’ve managed to alter that story, which truly mean you have altered your reality. This is a lifelong practice, that we must do every day, with all of our stories, for the rest of our lives.  

May your day be mindful!

Monkey Mind

For the month of March, we're focusing on embracing the masculine energy in the world, and the masculine within each of us. We’ll also practice saying thank you to our fathers, and we’ll touch on a few unrelated, but important topics. As you move through this month, keep in mind that the world is filled with both masculine and feminine energy, and these energies are not ascribed to women or men differently, they are energies found within each of us. The whole person is a combination of masculine and feminine, so it behooves us to understand both the masculine and feminine. In a later month, we’ll cover the feminine in greater depth.

This week, we are focusing on the thought chatter that we all experience, but may not know how to quiet.Our thoughts are often times bouncy, incongruent, or random, this, is our monkey mind. It is completely natural for our thoughts to wander, jump, and be a constant distraction from being in the present. This week, we want to try to identify when and how we let our thoughts take over, so we can begin to master our thoughts, and create a more easy relationship with them. One great way to do this is through meditation. In meditation, we can take some time to explore our thoughts. We can let the mind wander intentionally, and attempt to watch how it acts.

Just as we can train ourselves to be attune to the state of our breath and emotions we can do the same with the state of our thoughts. Next time you sit down to meditate allow your thoughts to wander, and as they do, name what it is your thoughts are doing, for instance, "worrying," or perhaps "daydreaming." Maybe your thoughts are consumed mostly by "planning" thoughts, or maybe they are totally random and are simply "wandering." Whatever they may be, take time to watch and name them.

In doing so, you'll begin to cultivate a tool set that will allow you to notice when you are with the present moment, or with your thoughts. It is in those moments that you will begin take back control of your thoughts, and learn to shift your state of mind, if you so chose - instead of being at the mercy of your monkey mind.  You can also practice throughout your waking life. As you move throughout the week, make some attempt at any point in the day to notice the thought chatter, clear the mind, and come into the present moment - even if just for a second. 

May your day be mindful!

Thank You Father

For the month of March, we're focusing on embracing the masculine energy in the world, and the masculine within each of us. We’ll also practice saying thank you to our fathers, and we’ll touch on a few unrelated, but important topics. As you move through this month, keep in mind that the world is filled with both masculine and feminine energy, and these energies are not ascribed to women or men differently, they are energies found within each of us. The whole person is a combination of masculine and feminine, so it behooves us to understand both the masculine and feminine. In a later month, we’ll cover the feminine in greater depth.

Today we're focusing on saying thank you to our fathers.

This week, we are going to dedicate some of our practice to thanking our fathers, both biological, and otherwise. We’re focusing on sending gratitude to the man that helped give us life, and to the father that helped to raise us. If they are the same person, different people, alive, passed - whether we know them well, or hardly at all, they’ve helped shape us into the sacred individuals we are today.

Sometime this week, or if you have a moment now, I want you imagine your birth father in front of you - sit with their image. They gave you life, and what a gift it is to be able to experience this world, in all it’s beauty, and with all it’s flaws and challenges.

Use the mantra below to honor your father. Use it in meditation or to say throughout the week.

“I honor you as my father. You gave me life, and for that I am grateful. You are the perfect father for me”

If your birth father is not the father who raised you, honor this man as well.  If it is the same person, imagine him again.

Use the mantra below to honor your father. Use it in meditation or to say throughout the week.

“I honor you as my father. You taught me well, and for that I am grateful. You are the perfect father for me”

Take a moment to recognize that man, or those men, in you, and remind yourself to embrace the my masculine energy within. You are powerful. You are creative. You are logical. Embrace your strengths and know your fears. Fight in fairness and fight  from love, the universe is here to support you! 

May your day be mindful!

Masculine Energy

For the month of March, and in the spirit of this month being the month of Fathers Day, we're focusing on embracing the masculine energy in the world, and the masculine within each of us. We’ll also practice saying thank you to our fathers, and we’ll touch on a few unrelated, but important topics. As you move through this month, keep in mind that the world is filled with both masculine and feminine energy, and these energies are not ascribed to women or men differently, they are energies found within each of us. The whole person is a combination of masculine and feminine, so it behooves us to understand both the masculine and feminine. In a later month, we’ll cover the feminine in greater depth.

Today we're focusing on getting in touch with our masculine energy.

Masculine energy is hot, like a burning fire. When activated correctly, our masculine energy can awaken the creative, practical, benevolent and visionary parts of ourselves. However, it’s important to know that when used incorrectly, our masculine energy can fuel egocentricity and destruction. We want to cultivate positive masculinity within ourselves. That positive masculine energy is commonly known as the warrior. The warrior who lives in all of us, embraces fear, and does not deny it. The warrior knows first and foremost that love is at the root of everything the warrior does, and that being fearless is not a part of the warrior's life. The warrior, while ready to fight when necessary, knows all his own fears and limitations, is logical and asks questions in the face of fear, so he may act and fight honorably. We can invoke the warrior when we’re afraid, when we need to get in touch with our creative, or need to create action inside of ourselves, to then create real action in the world. 

To invoke the warrior, it takes little less than a 5 minute visualization. If you find yourself needing to bring the warrior to life in your day to do, we recommend this quick visualization. Imagine yourself at the top of a very high mountain, standing powerfully in the sunlight. While there, you are filled with the overwhelming sense that you cannot fail. There is nothing in your past that you regret, and nothing in the future that you fear. As you stand there, you are filled with a sense of love and gratitude for your power, and for the undying support of the universe. You put your hand on your hips, and reach your chest towards the sky. You feel compelled to help, fight, and create a better world. You know there is nothing to fear, and that nothing will stand in your way.  You vow to move through life with poise, strength, love, power, creativity, action and benevolence. 

May your day be mindful!

Love for all Creatures

Coyote Winter Hunt. Colorado Rocky Mountains Coyote.

For the month of February, and in the spirit of this month being the month of Valentine's day, we're focusing on love. We've chosen a few topics for the month, that we believe expand our general conception of love. That is - romantic love directed at another person. While romantic love for another is an important, nourishing part of our lives (one worth working on, or working towards) love has the ability to be expressed in a myriad of ways. As you move through this month, one that is often overburdened with corporate manifestations of love, we encourage you to remember love has the capacity to take on many forms. Love should be expressed to all beings, equally, on this magnificent planet.

Today we're focusing on sending love to all of our non-human friends.

Often we forget that we share this planet with millions of other living beings - animals and plants. For those who live in a city, it's even easier to forget about the wild nature that abounds.

For the first time in human history, the majority of people live in urban areas. It was only 100 years ago that 2 out of every 10 people lived in a city. In 2010, 50% of people lived in cities and by 2030, 6 out of every 10 people will live in a city. As humans, we're more disconnected now, than ever, from our wild ecosystem.

We can learn so much from the wild. It is a beautiful, simple place - while also being unforgiving and dangerous. For most of the animal kingdom, each day is merely survival.  We have no animal predators. How lucky are we? Still, we've gone to great lengths - to separate ourselves from the natural world. And yet, so much of our own survival depends on the health of the planet and animals.

Let's remember that we share this planet. Let's remember to take care of our animal and plant counterparts. 

May your day be mindful!

Self Love

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For the month of February, and in the spirit of this month being the month of Valentine's day, we're focusing on love. We've chosen a few topics for the month, that we believe expand our general conception of love. That is - romantic love directed at another person. While romantic love for another is an important, nourishing part of our lives (one worth working on, or working towards) love has the ability to be expressed in a myriad of ways. As you move through this month, one that is often overburdened with corporate manifestations of love, we encourage you to remember love has the capacity to take on many forms. Love should be expressed to all beings, equally, on this magnificent planet.

Today we're focusing on self love.

Being mindful and practicing mindful meditation can hep us take better care of ourselves. Those that practice mindful living are often better at knowing what they think, feel, and want. Therefore, they tend to act on this knowledge  - doing what they need to do to take care of themselves - more often.

Practicing mindfulness helps us act on what we need, rather than what we want. Self love involves knowing what automatic behavior patterns might be at play, and choosing what helps you stay strong, healthy, and moving forward - instead of falling into immediate gratification patterns.

Practicing mindful self love helps us put ourselves first, when we need to. It helps us be able to say no to things that deplete us emotionally and physically. Loving yourself, protecting your emotional and physical reserves, means setting boundaries.

Self love also means knowing the difference between learning an growing - and making mistakes. We all stumble. Stumbling does not mean we're failing. Practicing self love will help you see the difference, so you can learn from the stumbling, instead of punishing yourself.

May your day be mindful!

Humility

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For the month of February, and in the spirit of this month being the month of Valentine's day, we're focusing on love. We've chosen a few topics for the month, that we believe expand our general conception of love. That is - romantic love directed at another person. While romantic love for another is an important, nourishing part of our lives (one worth working on, or working towards) love has the ability to be expressed in a myriad of ways. As you move through this month, one that is often overburdened with corporate manifestations of love, we encourage you to remember love has the capacity to take on many forms. Love  should be expressed to all beings, equally, on this magnificent planet.

Today we're focusing on humility. We don’t want to think of humility as lowering ourselves, we want to think about humility as knowing ourselves. We practice humility to remind ourselves that ultimately we are here to help others.  If we aren’t doing helping others with our work, we can do it in our home life, in our day to day interactions with one another, or simply how we chose to think about the world and those in it.

C.S. Lewis once said “humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less”

We should practice humility with dedication so that when we are faced with situations that test us, whether in our romantic relationships, family relationships, or other, we’re less likely to operate from a place selfishness, or defensiveness.

Remember, the wisest among us are also the most humble.

May your day be mindful!